Friday, October 13, 2017

༺ A Tropical Garden: Thoughts on Invisible Illness ༻

Tropical retro style for summer and travel | Lavnder & TwillTropical retro style for summer and travel | Lavnder & TwillSimple, casual vintage fashion | Lavnder & TwillTropical flora in Thaiand | Lavender & TwillTropical retro style for summer and travel | Lavnder & TwillSimple, casual vintage fashion | Lavnder & TwillTropical flora in Thaiand | Lavender & TwillErstwilder Pink Lemonade Brooch | Lavender & TwillTropical flora in Thaiand | Lavender & TwillRetro floral print for summer | Lavender & TwillSimple, casual vintage fashion | Lavnder & Twill

We went out this weekend and had a lovely time at the movies, {we saw Ninjago: A Lego Movie}. We don’t get to visit the cinema much unless it’s a family friendly feature ~ would you believe we left all our babysitters behind in Australia? Haha…

As luck would have it, a parcel had arrived on my doorstep the morning before, so I got to pick a new dress to wear! I really love this one with cheerful flowers, and it went perfectly with a simple scarf and my Erstwilder Pink Lemonade brooch.

We arrived home from the shopping mall just in time for me to drive to the park that’s in our Moo Baan and snap some quick photos before the light completely disappeared. The ground was so soggy, my platforms just about sunk in the mud all the way over the top of my shoes!  (○ _ ○)

It has been raining a lot recently, they don’t call it the rainy season for nothing. I don’t mind it all. It means I can stay inside.

Admittedly, things have taken a turn for the worse regarding my health. It’s like the last of the strength I had gained on my supplements has finally depleted, and my body has checked out.

You can see it in my acne troubled skin, my extremely puffy face and body {guess who’s back, dun-da, back again – dun-da, bloating’s back – dun-da, it’s bought a friend – aching tum-my!}, and in my belly which, due to insane levels of inflammation -no joke-  looks like I’m six months pregnant most days…

Am I exaggerating?

Sadly, no…

I think I’ve been asked at least three times when my baby is due over the last few months, and the other day an older Thai lady said in rather broken English that I looked “extremely pregnant” and that I was about to have baby number four any day! Colour me mortified. I think I flushed redder than my lipstick.

There’s nothing worse than trying to explain to someone who doesn’t really speak or understand English, that no – you are not fat, or pregnant. Just really, really, really ill. Even though you are somehow standing {swaying sometimes, when it’s really bad} on your feet, not looking completely like something the cat coughed up thanks to the modern miracle of makeup and a pretty dress.

Honestly, it’s amazing what a dress does to your look. Even without the makeup, or my hair done, I’m immediately way more presentable if I wear a dress. It’s an instant glamourous transformation, though it doesn’t help you to be any less ill.  Which is an important point that I was discussing that the other day with my friend on Facebook.

It’s interesting to me how there’s this perception in society that in order to be ill, you need to LOOK ill ~ literally, you can feel like you are dying bit by bit each day, but it doesn’t count unless you LOOK like you are on death’s bed to society… Which I can only imagine is a look something like a cross between what the cat coughed up and a zombie?? I guess? *shrug*

Anyway, unless you LOOK like you are ill, CLEARLY you aren’t. Somehow. Like, somehow everything worth judging a person by is only visible on the outside…. and if you are chronically ill, clearly it should be flashing like a neon light on your forehead… And if it’s not, maybe you are just imagining it all in your mind, and you should stop being so lazy and just get up and get on with it…. Right?

Right…

Needless to say, this kind of guilt is an extra burden that is really difficult to cope with when you have a chronic illness. It’s hard enough to believe what your own body is telling you at times, let alone having to convince everyone around you that you are literally too tired to get out of bed, and no, you are not just being lazy. I think that’s why a lot of people with these invisible illnesses don’t say anything, they just keep quite and suffer alone.

It’s too hard to explain, when we most often don’t understand it ourselves.

Wow.

That got intense.

Where was I? Oh, dresses!

Man, speaking of ~ chronic illness brain fog has set in so hard I can barely remember what day it is, let alone anything important ~ like oh, food. Or moving. Or how to English, coz bad I does it…

But pretty dresses save the day again, and help me to feel a least a tiny bit better, even on the days when I find it hard to smile. {Seriously, it’s too much effort. I’m too tired to smile…}

And if you are struggling for words to explain what you are going through; I have found that even something as simple as reading a blog or a website where other people explain what it is that they are experiencing can really help… Please don’t just leave it, and suffer with the belief that you are alone. Even if you are just on the internet, there are others out there who are facing the same things you do to some extent. See if you can find them, and maybe you won’t feel so alone with your invisible illness.

For thyroid disease sufferers: this blog has been extremely helpful for me. Endo sufferers may resonate with this lady’s journey, and there is a range of stories of many chronic illnesses on this site that I also found helpful.

And that’s one part of my story for now. Another day to get through, but we will make it.  ʚ♡ɞ

xox,

bonita

༺ ♡ ༻

Vintage Nylon Hair Scarf in Petal Pink | eBay
Floral Picnic Dress | Sisjuly
“Pink Lemonade” Brooch | Erstwilder
Tan Virginia Leather Sandal | Miss L Fire

༺ ♡ ༻
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